Torah Humor

Concert Hall Dedication

A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics.

He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar? Or Isaac Moscovitz, the famous Jewish concert violinist?"

"No," replied the guide. "It is named after Melvin Moscovitz, the writer."

"Never heard of him. What did he write?"

"A big check", replied the guide.

[Submitted by YMH and Sons]

THE LAST LAUGH

The Jewish "Get Smart" Pill

A Jew was riding on a train traversing the Siberian tundra. Seated next to him was a soldier of the Czar quietly boiling and seething with deep hatred toward the Jew. In one moment he let loose his anger to the Jew who, unaware of the danger, was staring into one of his holy books. He barked, "What makes you people so smart?"

The Jew was startled. He realized his life was at risk and he had better give the correct answer. Without hesitation, with help from heaven, he responded with perfect calm, one word -"Herring!" (That little bony salty fish) The soldier sternly inquired, "Do you have any?" The Jew acknowledged that he had a few pieces remaining which the soldier demanded with authority should be handed over to him.

Taking a big risk, the Jew refused and insisted he be compensated 20 Rubles for the now desirous herring. The soldier hurriedly threw the money at him and took hold of the prize. In a one gulp, like a hungry bear, he swallowed the whole lot of them. After wiping his mouth brutishly he turned to the Jew, who had calmly returned to his books, and protested, "20 Rubles for those few pieces of fish?! Where we are going to in Moscow I can get five times that amount for the same price!"

At that point the Jew turned to him with a straight face and declared, "Ya see that, it's starting to work already!"

L:  You know, Esrog, I find it difficult to remember the different themes of the numerous Jewish holidays.

E:  I can help you, Lulav.

L:  Really? Something short while I stand on one foot?

E:  How about an eleven-word summary (seven in Hebrew) that applies to just about all of them?

L: You must be kidding me!

E:  Nope. Here it is.

“They tried to kill us,
G-d helped,
we won;
let’s eat!”

(and in Hebrew:) "Ratzu l'hargeinu, Hashem hatzileinu, netzachnu; bo ne'echol"