Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one. Please!
Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote
counts.
Here are the facts about the three leading candidates.
Candidate A - Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B - He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C - He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.
Answers
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt. Candidate B is Winston Churchill. Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question: If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.
Conclusions
Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before jumping to conclusions.
Never be convinced that we know the destiny of events. Remember: Amateurs built
the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
(go to Jokes - Holidays)
(go to Jokes - Holidays)
A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics.
He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar? Or Isaac Moscovitz, the famous Jewish concert violinist?"
"No," replied the guide. "It is named after Melvin Moscovitz, the writer."
"Never heard of him. What did he write?"
"A big check", replied the guide.
[Submitted by YMH and Sons]
(go to Jokes - Weekly Reading Cycle)
(go to Jokes - Holidays)
A Jew was riding on a train traversing the Siberian tundra. Seated next to him was a soldier of the Czar quietly boiling and seething with deep hatred toward the Jew. In one moment he let loose his anger to the Jew who, unaware of the danger, was staring into one of his holy books. He barked, "What makes you people so smart?"
The Jew was startled. He realized his life was at risk and he had better give the correct answer. Without hesitation, with help from heaven, he responded with perfect calm, one word -"Herring!" (That little bony salty fish) The soldier sternly inquired, "Do you have any?" The Jew acknowledged that he had a few pieces remaining which the soldier demanded with authority should be handed over to him.
Taking a big risk, the Jew refused and insisted he be compensated 20 Rubles for the now desirous herring. The soldier hurriedly threw the money at him and took hold of the prize. In a one gulp, like a hungry bear, he swallowed the whole lot of them. After wiping his mouth brutishly he turned to the Jew, who had calmly returned to his books, and protested, "20 Rubles for those few pieces of fish?! Where we are going to in Moscow I can get five times that amount for the same price!"
At that point the Jew turned to him with a straight face and declared, "Ya see that, it's starting to work already!"