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Weekly Chasidic Story #581 (s5769-16 / 17 Tevet 5769) A Mid-Winter Shabbat Sacrifice "I snatched up the bottle of vodka that was on the table and ran out of the room." (Connection: seasonal)
A Mid-Winter Shabbat SacrificeRabbi Shabtai Slavtitski is the head Lubavitcher emissary in Belgium. He has a large congregation in Antwerp, where he is a well respected rabbinical figure. He tells the following story. A few years ago, early in January, a local business man phoned me one evening and asked for an appointment to talk to me. "This is very important to me," he stated. We arranged to meet the following afternoon in the Chabad House. He arrived punctually at the arranged hour. I led him upstairs to the library where we sat down facing each other. I did not know him that well. Although he had been living in Antwerp for many years, I had just met him recently. Ten years previously, the Lubavitcher Rebbe had called for a campaign to "assemble assemblies on Shabbat." Since then I tried my best to recruit Jews for this purpose, and also endeavored to influence them, in a pleasant, non-threatening friendly manner, to become Shabbat observant. This Jew who had come to meet with me had started getting closer to Judaism several months before, and had begun to keep Shabbat privately, at home. He owned a successful jewelry business, and recently he began shutting his store on Saturdays too. He was an open-hearted, energetic person, whose liveliness was recognizable in every one of his movements. Now, though, he sat with his eyes down, not looking at me. I sensed that he was embarrassed about something and this was causing him to feel uncomfortable. A tense silence filled the library until after a few long seconds he began to speak in a soft voice. "I've fallen," he murmured. "I have to find a tikun, a way to make up for what I've done. To do teshuva…." "What happened?" I asked. He squirmed on his chair and started telling his story. * * * "Surely you remember that a couple of months ago I decided finally to close my shop on Shabbat. At first it was quite difficult for me, but after four weeks or so I got used to it. And I don't mean used to suffering, I mean I got used to enjoying it! "It dawned on me after all these years that the only time I can be real with myself is on Shabbat. On Shabbat I began to encounter myself, and once one is able to get in touch with oneself, he can also begin to truly unite with his wife and children. "Until I started to get involved in Torah and mitzvot, I would meet with everyone except myself. My mind and heart were occupied in business, in being accepted socially, in chasing after and acquiring all sorts of possessions, and various other pursuits in a like vein. I had no interest in building relationships with people, only in building houses and stores. And you know that building nice houses is a lot easier than building personal relationships. So there was no possibility that this would ever change. "Yet, now, it has changed! Shabbat enabled me to be acquainted with the Creator. And when you merit to know the Creator, this does not weaken you. The opposite - you become more worthy as a result of this relationship. You take on importance and self-esteem because you have a mission and a goal. "Shabbat has introduced me to myself. I've begun to live with myself and to think about and contemplate important questions, such as 'Who am I?' and 'Where am I going?' "All this has led to many changes for me. At first I thought that Shabbat was a time of limitation and enslavement. Then, suddenly, it became clear to me that Shabbat is the time of genuine freedom and liberation. Shabbat has taught me what true life really is. I've begun to know myself and live with myself - I now 'own' myself. * * * "I need to tell you what happened to me this past Shabbat. You probably don't know that its nickname in the jewelry trade is 'Shabbat HaGadol' - 'The Great Shabbat.' 'Don't smile. True, it is not the Shabbat preceding the Passover holiday; it usually falls in the middle of Tevet, three months earlier. But for those of us who have jewelry stores, the final Shabbat of the common year, at the end of December, is called 'Shabbat HaGadol.' Why? Because on this day crowds of non-Jews from all over Belgium and Holland come to buy jewelry and presents for their holiday gifts, and they spend significant money. All the jewelry store owners turn huge profits, nicely filling in any gaps left by slow business during the rest of the year. "Of course, I am no longer a part of this scene on Shabbat. So after the Shabbat morning prayers, I decided to go for a pleasant walk. Yet, without consciously intending to, I found myself on Pelikent Street, the location in Antwerp where there is a heavy concentration of dozens of jewelry stores. "I walked slowly until I came near my store. The shutters were down; the door and gate locked tight. I noticed that the two stores on either side of mine were full of customers and doing a brisk business. There were even lines of people stretching along the sidewalk, waiting to get in. The display tables were filled with large varieties of jewelry, and people were pulling thick fistfuls of cash from their wallets. "'Look at all those sales being made,' I thought to myself. 'Earrings, rings, necklaces--so much merchandise is being sold over the course of a few hours, while my store is sealed shut. By tomorrow this opportunity will be long gone and not happen again for another year, and who knows if and when I will be able to make up the difference?' "At that moment I felt chest pains around my heart. I breathed deeply and tried to relax. After a few minutes I noticed that the owner of one of the neighboring shops was waving to me and signaling me to enter his store. I went in. "'Hello, what's going on?' he asked me in surprise. 'Why is your store closed today?' "'Don't you know?' I replied. 'I decided to keep Shabbat.' "'Ah, that's right,' he said, nodding his head. 'I totally forgot. Somebody told me a few weeks ago that you decided to do so, but I didn't think you would actually do anything about it so soon!' "He paused, mulling over how to phrase what he wanted to say, and then continued. 'You know, we've been friends for a long time, since we were kids. I don't want to offend you, but this is, after all, the most important day of the year for our businesses. G-d has more than fifty other Shabbats in the rest of the year. Give him all of those and keep this one for yourself. Surely He will understand you and He'll agree.' "I wanted to answer him but I didn't know how. I felt very confused and went back out to the street. My mind split down the middle and the conflict began. To open or not? To open just this one Shabbat, just for a few hours, and rake in a large profit. Afterwards I'd immediately close for the rest of Shabbat, and for every Shabbat thereafter. Or not? 'Of what benefit is it to G-d that I should lose so much money?' I thought to myself. 'Surely he will understand and forgive me.' "At that moment I suddenly felt that a spirit of holiness had entered me. I have no idea what I did to deserve this, I realized that everything that had happened was for a reason, and that this was a test for me - a ladder on which I could ascend. The only one to profit by my closing the shop was me! It was up to me to assert myself to stand in front of the store and still be in control, to face all that money and still be in charge. Whoever wants to acquire freedom has to be willing to pay for it; whoever wants to acquire life has to pay the price. With this realization I felt the strength to tell myself strongly, 'I shall not open.' Then I turned on my heel and strode away from the busy street and the business district. "At home my wife and three children were waiting for me impatiently. 'Where were you? What happened' they cried out together. 'Nothing,' I quickly responded. 'I just went for a little walk after shul.' "The Shabbat table was set beautifully. My silver kiddush cup and my wife's silver candlesticks that I had purchased recently provided a special atmosphere in the room. Some of the food already waited on the table. My family took their places and awaited Kiddush. "I certainly wanted to make Kiddush and start the meal then. I wanted very much to enter the World of Shabbat and forget everything I had gone through on the way home. I thought I had won this battle; I really did. But now it was painfully clear that I had been overconfident. The vision of the packed stores refused to leave my eyes. The thick wads of money and the jewelry gracing the display tables danced before me. Once again I was caught in an internal turmoil. My heart started pounding wildly again and my head was spinning. "I stood next to the table, lost in thought. Unaware of the worried glance of my wife towards me, and the stares of my children as they waited for Kiddush, songs and Shabbat spirit, I saw nothing -- nothing except money, jewelry and sales. I had lost control of myself again, and I felt afraid that I would weaken and go to open the store. * * * "I snatched up the bottle of vodka that was on the table and ran out of the room. I went into the bedroom and shut the door behind me. I poured myself a full cup of vodka and drank it, and then poured another cup and drank that too. And another. And another…. After only a few minutes I was sound asleep. "Maybe it is hard for you to accept how I could do such a thing. But you have to understand that my entire past, my whole life until the last few weeks, was pulling me towards the store. It is what my education was directed towards, and all my "values" based on succeeding in business, making as much money as possible and purchasing more and more things. It had become an irresistible and insatiable need. I was as addicted as any drug addict. All I could think in those moments was that the only way I could avoiding transgressing Shabbat was to run away from myself. I decided my only hope was to give up the struggle and escape to another world. "I have no idea how long I slept. But when I woke up I was completely at ease. A wonderful feeling engulfed me, a feeling of victory! I left the bedroom and returned to the dining table. There were some leftovers from the Shabbat meal on it, but no one was there any more. "My wife and children were sitting on the sofa in the salon. When she saw I had come back, she said, 'Do you want to make Kiddush now?' "'It's already late.' I said to her. 'I have to go for Mincha.' ('What a good wife,' I thought to myself. 'How strong and supportive she is to not ask questions and dig at the painful wounds.') "'But making Kiddush and eating a meal is also a mitzvah,' she pointed out. "I made Kiddush, washed my hands and blessed over the two challahs. She kept looking at me but didn't say a word. I recited the after-blessings, put on my coat, and left the house." * * * He stopped speaking. Then, after a few moments of silence, he continued with great emotion. "'I know my family will forgive me for what I did to their Shabbat day. But what about G-d? How can I settle my account with him? I feel like a soldier that deserted the battlefield, like I profaned the Shabbat even without opening the store. I've come to you so that you can tell me what to do, how to fix what I blemished, how to atone for this terrible abuse of Shabbat I did.'' * * * As he finished speaking he was shocked to notice that there were tears in my eyes. "What happened? Please excuse me. Did I say something that hurt you? Isn't there anything I can do to repair this?" "G-d forbid," I said quickly. "You didn't hurt me. It is just that while you were talking I reflected upon my own Shabbat. I sat at the table with all my family. I made Kiddush and cut the challah. We sang Shabbat songs and my children said words of Torah that they had learned in school during the week. I told them Chasidic stories and we had a wonderful time. "While you were speaking I couldn't stop myself from thinking about what happened when G-d looked at my Shabbat and G-d looked at your Shabbat. About my Shabbat he surely said, "'Oich mir a Shabbos' - yet another Shabbat.' Sure, they did it right and they truly enjoyed it, but how much did they have to sacrifice; how much did they really pay for their Shabbat?' "On the other hand, it is certain
that your Shabbat raised a great storm in Heaven. When "No, my friend, you don't have to fix anything about this Shabbat. Those of us who have had a strong Torah education, yet have been observing Shabbat all of our lives out of habit are the ones that require rectification." Now that his story has ended, I sincerely hope that our story shall begin. * * * * * [Adapted by Yerachmiel Tilles from his translation commissioned for a Slavtitsky family celebration in 2007.] All rights reserved. Please do not reprint without explicit permission. Connection:
seasonal - the middle of Tevet |
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Yerachmiel
Tilles is co-founder and associate director of Ascent-of-Safed, and chief editor
of this website (and of KabbalaOnline.org). He has hundreds of published stories
to his credit, and many have been translated into other languages. He tells them
live at Ascent nearly every Saturday night.